Volume 9 Chapter 7 For Me, For Her
"Eris──"
I opened my mouth with the feeling of jumping from the top of the Skytree rather than Kiyomizu-dera temple, but there I noticed something strange.
There was no response from Eris at all.
I only called her name, so I didn't expect a big reaction, but this was too unresponsive. Instead of nodding, she didn't even move her gaze and continued to stare at me.
What's wrong? The lack of reaction is so extreme that I can't tell if she's angry, sad, or happy.
No, there shouldn't be a reason to be angry. Probably. Maybe.
I've unintentionally angered Eris in the past, so I'm not very confident.
If I had to think of a reason, maybe it's that. It might have been a bad idea to hug her suddenly when we first met. Eris is a princess of a country. Naturally, she's not someone you can casually interact with.
I mean, I've been scolded just for lightly touching her in the past.
Moreover, I am not even called a Hero now, just a complete ordinary person.
The reason I could be with Eris in Asteris was because I was a Hero. Now that I've lost that position, there's no reason for me to be sitting in front of her. I've felt down many times watching Eris shine even more in society.
From birth and upbringing, Eris and I are literally worlds apart.
Still, I can't turn my back and run away from here.
The fact that we could meet again is a miracle.
Not a single moment can be wasted.
"Eris."
"——Hah."
When I called out again, I heard a sharp intake of breath from Eris.
Her gaze wavered, and her body visibly tensed.
W-What? Her reaction seems different from earlier. Maybe she didn't hear it the first time. I might have been too nervous, and my voice didn't come out.
With no time to moisten my dry throat, I continued speaking.
"I'm glad... we met."
I needed tremendous physical strength to utter those two words. My voice trembled ungracefully, and my speech was far from smooth.
Surely, if I were to hear myself, I would laugh. It was that bad.
Eris listened without laughing.
Then, she slowly spoke,
"I'm... happy too."
Eris's voice remained unchanged from back then.
A voice with substance, filled with warmth.
Just hearing that voice made tears well up. It's embarrassing for a grown man to cry in a place like this, but a prickling sensation in my nose told me tears were forming.
It truly was Eris.
Alive, here with me.
Various memories from that time threatened to overflow in my mind, and I hurriedly suppressed them. If I started reminiscing here, things would spiral out of control.
As I attempted to continue speaking, Eris raised her hand in front of me, as if to restrain me.
What's wrong?
Eris lowered her face, making it impossible to discern her expression.
Perhaps she no longer wanted to talk.
Without lifting her face, Eris spoke.
"...I, in the first place, shouldn't be in a position to talk to you like this. I hurt you for selfish reasons and repaid your kindness with malice. No matter what I do, it's not something that can be forgiven."
There was a momentary pause in her words.
Then Eris said,
"I'm sorry—"
How much emotion was packed into that apology?
"..."
Certainly, at that time, I saw the depths of despair. I didn't take my own life because I didn't even have the strength to do that.
Whatever the reason, that fact remains unchanged.
Why didn't she talk to me?
If she had consulted with me.
Even if I were to be killed by the Hero's curse, as long as I could be with her until the end, that would have been enough.
Perhaps because such thoughts were transparent, this was the inevitable conclusion.
My answer was already determined.
I carefully turn the pages of memory, one by one.
"When I first fought a demon, I thought I had defeated it and let my guard down, almost getting killed. When I was targeted by an assassination guild, I learned the fear of facing an organization... When facing Larkan, I thought I could never win. I couldn't see a future where I could defeat such strong opponents."
Yeah, thinking back like this, how many times was I close to death?
It's unavoidable, right? Just an ordinary middle schooler from Earth, inexplicably thrown into a battlefield.
"My master was killed, and I, myself, was sent to the underworld by 'Galeo.' The battle against the Demon Lord... I don't even want to remember. There were countless times I thought it would be better to die, even though I didn't count."
Just talking about it, the icy heat from that time begins to invade my entire body. The old wounds etched throughout my body throb with aching pain.
That's right.
When I returned to Earth, I mourned the separation, but when I was summoned to Asteris, I cried endlessly, wanting to go back to Earth.
I want to meet my mom and dad. I want to talk to my friends. I want to eat my mom's cooking, drink cola, watch TV, and go to sleep without questioning the boring and dull tomorrow that awaits.
I now realize how precious such a life was, covered in sweat, blood, and vomit.
Don't call me on a whim and then disappoint yourself without reason.
Don't expect anything from me.
Even demons are alive. I can't kill them. Wars shouldn't happen.
No one listened to such a naive ideal.
What they sought was the strongest Hero, and it wasn't Yamamoto Yuusuke.
In that group, only one person. Only one person looked at me. Listened to my story, scolded me for being dependent.
It was kind Eris. Surely, seeing me like that, she must have carried a burden of guilt alone. I didn't realize at that time that complaining could become a heavy burden.
Idiot, right? Both the one being called and the one who took the responsibility of calling, they're both going through tough times.
"When I fought the Demon Lord, honestly, I probably thought it was okay to die. If I could use everything here and fulfill my duty, that would be enough."
In reality, that future where it happened was probably very close.
Just one step, if I had taken a different path, I would have been there.
But it didn't turn out that way.
"Eris, it's because you were there."
At that time, and that time, and that time too.
"Because Eris always held onto my hand, I am here."
So, I've been able to live.
Because Eris didn't abandon me, she stayed with me until the end. That too, is an undeniable truth.
The only time the woman who saved me with a gentle lie just once.
From the beginning, there was nothing to forgive.
"Thank you. For always helping me."
The words I can convey to you are only these.
"――!!"
Eris lifted her face with a start.
The face was soaked with tears long ago, looking quite young.
She said with trembling lips,
"It's me, who was saved by you..."
"Eris?"
It was an unexpected statement. While Eris had rescued me before, it was genuinely rare for me to have saved her.
"Since I can remember, I've been surrounded by many things. I've been given a lot of expectations. I even thought that my given magical talent was fate to fight against the Demon Lord."
Eris spoke, revealing feelings she had kept hidden in her heart for a long time.
"But, I wasn't chosen as the Hero. I... I used you. For my own dream, for my duty."
Words were woven together sporadically, like raindrops falling in a sunny spot.
Eris, born into royalty and recognized for her exceptional magical talent since childhood, had a life vastly different from mine, soiled in mud.
That's why I only saw the radiant side. I got caught up in her splendid achievements, losing sight of what lay in the shadows.
From the moment of her birth, the burden of the expectations of both the nation and the world is immense.
"You, in response to my selfish expectations, wishes, you always answered. Even when fighting against the Lord, when leading troops as a strategist, when many soldiers, citizens, died at my command, you always continued to swing your sword before me."
It's a matter of course.
Because that's all I can do.
Negotiations, devising strategies, inspiring troops—I can't do any of those properly.
I never imagined how Eris sees me from behind. Unlike Kou and Sharla, there are many other powerful magicians besides me. For her, I thought I was just one of the many forces.
Eris's eyes, even as they glistened with tears, never let go of my eyes.
"Yuusuke, you can carve out hope in any despair. You were the guidepost of my silver path."
She smiled while crying.
――Ah, that's right.
The reason I could continue fighting in such a harsh world was simple.
If I could see her smile, I could forget any pain or fear and continue to fight.
"So, thank you, Yuusuke."
The voice was already trembling, difficult to discern.
Or maybe it was me who was trembling.
I think I'm too foolish and simple even for myself. Rather than being apologized to, just hearing that one word makes me sure that those days were not a mistake.
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