Chapter 163 Red Light and Black Dream
"──One day, I just wanted to be someone... someone I could respect. Like some dumb dream I chased when I was a brat, y'know?"
"Huh?"
I knew, 'Oh, this is bad,' even myself.
But once the words started coming out, they were my true feelings, and I couldn't take them back.
My heart was chasing the regrets of the past, not the regret of this moment.
"Yeah, maybe I'm just a fool. But I don't do 'giving up.' Even if the odds are stacked sky-high, I tell myself it ain't impossible. I keep fightin'. Headfirst. Dumb, right?"
Fixing the words that almost broke down was not only for politeness.
These are not words of Hiiro.
They are my words, Atami Shou's words, a stubborn reminder of the past.
It's not something I should put on Hiiro.
It's proof of my own mistakes, regrets, and past.
"'Course, I got my ass handed to me again and again 'cause of that."
Chasing what burned hotter than the blazing flames, what lingered in my heart.
How many times did I stumble?
How many times did I fall?
"I made choices I thought were right... even if they just made things worse for me."
My first attempt to help someone ended up saving nothing.
"Because I was dumb, I hurt people. Bad."
Because of that, I hurt them more, made them worry, and at the end, I made them apologize.
"I made mistakes I can't fix... And now? I'm still out here, suffering, hiding from my own mess."
The wounds I made might still be festering.
They might have spread bigger than I even notice.
"But even with all that... I'm still the same thick-headed fool. Same guy, different day."
Still, the pain that occupies my heart the most is.
The fever that does not cool down is.
"You wanna know what that dream was? ──I want to be a hero."
I want to repay that back.
"That's it. That's the whole damn thing."
"A hero, huh."
When I started talking as if I was floating in heat, with the king's clumsy nods, I finally reached the end.
"──Ha! (Oh, I'm in trouble.)"
The fever went down, and I snapped back to myself.
Now cold sweat suddenly broke out all over.
I talked so much about my failures, no way I didn't notice my recent screw-up.
Oh no, oh no, oh no!
I really messed up this time.
I ended up saying too much, but regardless of what I said, it's a big problem given my position.
I even slipped some informal words when talking to the king.
Even if the king wanted to know, pushing it with the excuse of duty isn't good in many ways.
I was crushed by how slow I was to realize my mistake, even a fool could see it.
"......Your Majesty. I cannot gauge your interest, but you must consider the time and place."
"U-uh, yes. Sorry, Gimley."
"You, too, Step back, Hiiro Merifar. I'll overlook this arrogance this time, but there won't be a next."
"......Sorry about that."
Surprisingly, the very strict Chancellor only gave me a warning.
Of course, I got a stern glare and a firm glare as well.
I stepped back with a humble attitude because of his obvious kindness.
"Reginleif's captain, Shidou. As a leader of the squad, neglecting to teach manners is a sign of negligence."
"I'm truly sorry. This mistake is truly embarrassing. I will give a strict warning, so please..."
"Mm. Then that's fine."
Ah, so you're the type to hold your boss responsible?
This will definitely be a reflection paper later.
No doubt about it.
Will they forgive me for just a few pages?
Glared at by the captain, whose fierce gaze rivals that of the Chancellor, I braced myself for a future of likely carpal tunnel.
"Now, let's end the medal award ceremony here. From now on, I expect work worthy of the medals given. The knights of the same squad should also see that red light as a goal, and push forward toward the future. Medal recipients, reaffirm your oath."
"O-okay..."
But then I remembered because of the Chancellor's words that there was one last big job remaining.
That big job is, of course, the closing of the medal award ceremony.
"──"
I check my stance, take a breath, and prepare myself.
I learned how to do it lightly from Captain Shidou.
Lightly means I did it quickly, unlike other manners and rituals.
The captain looked surprised, but it wasn't a trick or anything.
After all, it was something I had wanted to try for a long time.
I'd been imagining it often, so I had enough foundation to do it once I was told.
"All knights, draw your swords."
In short, the knights in the antechamber all draw their swords from their hips and face forward.
"If you swear unyielding will, follow the righteous path, and light your pride in your chest. All knights, raise your swords!"
I remember my first day joining the Einherjar Knights.
The knight order leader, who was a role model that day, now responds to my command.
The feeling of that slowly seeped in, and a smile rose on my lips.
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