Volume 4 Chapter 17 What I Let Go
While reading the received email, Kagami Ayaka couldn't help but notice the time in the bottom right corner of the screen. She had been repeatedly reading the same sentence over and over again. The coffee she had just been served had already gone cold.
Rubbing her throbbing forehead with her finger, Ayaka looked at the screen again.
The impersonal message contained nothing but unremarkable reports.
Neither the demon that attacked Kanami nor Silver Knight could be found.
Considering how distinctive they were, Ayaka couldn't believe that there was no information coming in.
Despite contacting headquarters and mobilizing numerous Anti-demon officials, this was the state of affairs.
But unbeknownst to Ayaka, the battle between Yuusuke and Larkan, hidden by the barrier set up by Roze's magic tool, was concealed.
There was a monster that defeated the Hero from another world, Kanami. Naturally, the Anti-demon officials protecting Japan couldn't overlook it.
Ideally, Ayaka would have wanted to join the search on-site, but considering what happened when Kanami woke up, it was best for Ayaka to stay and listen to the conversation.
Frustration grew as the investigation made little progress.
And there was another thing that was troubling Ayaka.
A loud noise echoed from behind, causing Ayaka and the other Anti-demon officials in the room to turn around.
"Tsukiko, you're back."
There stood Isumi Tsukiko, who had opened the door, with a stern expression.
She was a second-rank Anti-demon official and the most skilled magician in the Seijo branch where Ayaka belonged.
Tsukiko had been on an expedition as a guide for new recruits until recently. Ayaka had heard the report, but it seemed that she had been forced to struggle considerably against unexpected abnormalities.
Although she had returned safely, Tsukiko's expression was not that of someone who had finished their work.
Staring at Ayaka with a sharp gaze as if facing an enemy, Tsukiko walked towards her.
And when she came face to face, she spoke in a firm voice.
"A demon appeared, is that true?"
"Well, at least greet me first... Yes, it's true. But I don't know where they are right now."
Ayaka sighed as she answered.
Although she felt sorry for Tsukiko, she also needed her to join the search immediately.
Thinking that, Tsukiko continued speaking.
"Sorry, I'll go search as well... By the way, where is Yuusuke? I heard he's here."
"..."
Ah, so that's what you really want to know, Ayaka looked Tsukiko directly in the eyes.
Whether someone leaked it or she happened to overhear the conversation, it had become troublesome either way.
Ayaka was currently troubled by another situation. It was something that would be exposed immediately if she tried to hide it.
That's why she decided not to hide it and revealed the truth.
"Yuusuke is gone."
"What! Why!"
Tsukiko's voice became rough, but Ayaka was just as eager to know.
After meeting Kanami, Ayaka had planned to keep Yuusuke in this facility until the situation was resolved. There was nothing a non-combatant like Yuusuke could do outside.
It would be more of a nuisance if he started moving around.
That's why she had placed a surveillance on him with one of the Anti-demon officials, but when she noticed, he had disappeared without a trace. When she checked the surveillance camera, it showed Yuusuke going outside as if it were natural, but his whereabouts after that were completely unknown.
There was no need to think about why he went out. He must have gone to search for Lisha.
If things went wrong, there was a possibility that he had already encountered the enemy. In that case, it was uncertain whether he was still alive.
It was understandable that Tsukiko was shaken. But she took a deep breath and spoke, trying to suppress her anger.
"Ayaka, you should have heard the report. Yuusuke is injured because of yesterday's battle, and it's strange for him in the first place to be involved in such a dispute. We need to bring him back immediately."
"We've been searching for him for a while now. All we can do is wait for him to be found."
"That's irresponsible!"
At that moment, the atmosphere changed. Ayaka, who was exhausted, had a sharp look in her eyes.
"Irresponsible?"
"Yes, that's right. It's our duty to protect ordinary people."
Ayaka slowly stood up, positioning herself to look down on Tsukiko.
Tsukiko also narrowed her eyes at Ayaka's unprecedented behavior.
"Ah, right."
"What?"
"You're the one being irresponsible, Tsukiko."
Tsukiko responded to the unexpected words.
"Irresponsible? Why would I be?"
"I'm doing everything I can. If you were so worried about Yuusuke, you should have protected him closest to you."
Tsukiko's black hair rose at Ayaka's words. Sparks of gold scattered, making crackling sounds. The air burned, and tension filled the room.
"If I could, I would have done that too. But it's much more dangerous for him to be by my side."
"That's just an excuse for running away."
"!"
A thunderous voice resonated in response to Ayaka's stern words. Tsukiko didn't try to suppress it, but instead raised her face to glare at Ayaka. However, before that, Ayaka's hand grabbed Tsukiko's collar and pulled her face closer.
Tsukiko's petite body trembled with tremendous force.
The angry face of her big sister was right in front of her eyes.
Tsukiko's eyes widened at the sudden turn of events.
"I thought it was your life, and I thought it would be okay no matter what choices you made. If you were satisfied and ready to move on, it would have been a farewell. But when you regret letting go like that, it makes me angry."
While being overwhelmed by Ayaka's momentum, Tsukiko retorted as if biting.
"I don't regret breaking up. That was the best choice."
"The best choice? You say that after being so depressed. Besides, what you think is the best for you, was it really the best for Yuusuke?"
"That's..."
Trying to continue her words, Tsukiko realized she couldn't say anything more.
Of course. She decided to break up on her own and hadn't told Yuusuke the truth about it. In terms of keeping him safe, it might have been a good thing. But when asked if it was the best choice, the face at the time of the breakup flashed through her mind.
His eyes, growing darker and sinking, were looking at Tsukiko.
Having lost her words, Ayaka said to Tsukiko as if striking her.
"In the end, you were just afraid that he would get hurt because of your own actions, and you were afraid of being disliked. That's why you ran away."
"...That's not true."
"It is. If you really cared about Yuusuke, you should have consulted with him first. But you ran away from the conversation. By throwing everything away like that, what are you worried about now? Be less selfish."
A dull sound echoed from within Tsukiko's body. No, it was the sound of her heart creaking. Ayaka's logical argument, who knew her well, didn't allow any defense and shattered her most vulnerable point.
But Ayaka didn't stop there.
Normally, she should have stopped here. She should have advised as usual and showed her the next path as a big sister.
But she couldn't.
When Lisha and Yuusuke started living together, Ayaka thoroughly investigated Yuusuke's background. She knew everything Tsukiko knew about his disappearance and the scars all over his body. It was all official information that the country had investigated.
And she knew something more that Tsukiko didn't know.
According to the report, he was abducted and tortured. According to the report, he was trained as a combatant in some intelligence agency. According to the report, he was a subject of human experimentation.
The predictions written in the report were all unrealistic and cruel.
And he was undoubtedly in that unreal world. Still, no matter how much she investigate, no information comes out for the blank five years. The severe scars engraved all over the body. And the lack of ethics revealed in the psychological test.
The boy named Yamamoto Yuusuke was abnormal in everyone's eyes.
Such an abnormal person cannot lead a normal daily life.
Such an abnormal person cannot be easily accepted.
Yuusuke's life after social reintegration was summarized succinctly. Occasionally, he would get into fights or engage in problematic behavior, but no further abnormality was recognized. However, it was difficult for him to get close to his family, whom he reunited with after five years, and he started living alone when he entered university.
How much suffering and sadness were there in that short sentence?
Even though he finally met his family, he couldn't be accepted, and there was no true understanding in this world. Only the heavy invisible past clung to his back.
How difficult it must have been to live in such circumstances, Ayaka couldn't imagine.
Yet the boy still says it.
For the sake of a girl he doesn't even know, he wants to do his best.
"If only you..."
Ayaka's hand grabbing Tsukiko's clothes trembles. Yuusuke's face when he saw the sleeping Kanami, she couldn't forget. Those eyes that had become accustomed to losing someone.
Surely he had reached out his hand for someone's sake many times, and each time he lost something. So where should he stand if he is like that?
"If only you could have been his support! You should understand well the pain of being special and the pain of being abandoned by someone!"
"..."
Tsukiko couldn't answer anymore.
What she remembered were the countless patterns on the tatami mats and the faces of her parents watching from afar. For Tsukiko, who was born as a genius in a magician's family, a normal household didn't exist.
When did she come to accept that her father's hand growing distant and her mother's warmth were inevitable?
——I see, this time it was me who let go.
"You're the one who threw him away and now you're acting like a tragic heroine!"
Ayaka tried to say more, but her colleague grabbed her shoulder.
"Kagami, that's enough already."
"...Let me go. If I don't say it, she won't understand."
"It's already enough. Besides, Princess doesn't have much experience with this kind of thing. Don't go that far for something that's her first time."
"..."
Ayaka ground her back teeth as if crushing her words and let go of the hand she was holding.
Tsukiko lost her support and collapsed on the spot. Her bursting magic power subsided, and her black hair stuck to her cheeks.
"Ah..."
The face of Yuusuke, who was covered in scars, appeared in Tsukiko's mind. Despite his gentle expression, his eyes always seemed to be giving up on something.
He was happy when I smiled at him. I was a necessary presence for him, and he wanted to convey that we were together. But what have I been doing? I didn't want to hurt him, I wanted him to be happy, but what did I do? Well, he will probably forget about me quickly. If he's such a great person, he'll surely find someone better.
Tsukiko convinced herself with such reasoning and didn't think about Yuusuke's feelings at all.
It was the same when he said he would act with Lisha and the others. Tsukiko only voiced her own thoughts and never asked what Yuusuke was thinking. Even though she knew he couldn't abandon someone in need.
Because he was that kind of person, she has fallen in love with him.
"..."
She realized that blood was flowing from her bitten lips.
It is not allowed for her to shed tears here. But an uncontrollable anger and sadness engulfed her whole body.
——I'm such a fool.
As if struck by Tsukiko's electricity, coffee slowly oozes out of the burnt paper cup and spreads over her desk.
There was no one there to hold her trembling hand.
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