Volume 4 Chapter 19 Beyond Righteousness
After a while, Yunea restarted and I was still unable to move. By the way, Yunea asked me to address her casually and not to use honorifics, as if she wanted to be treated like a servant, and she tearfully requested it.
It's a complicated feeling to be told that by a younger girl. I mean, she's like a candidate for a Saint, but I guess it can't be helped.
There were some peculiar people who didn't know anything about the teachings of the church even though they were Saints. Though they were rare.
Anyway, Irial said she was going to do her patrol and disappeared. This place seems to be like a house of some eastern family, quite far from where Larkan and I fought.
I must have been unconscious for about an hour. In the deep night, I could only hear the sound of the river and the chirping of insects.
I concentrate and perform the circulation breathing method, circulating magic power throughout my body to enhance my healing ability. Yunea also uses magic regularly to heal me, so I should be able to move before dawn.
"..."
But even if I can move now, what should I do?
I understood that after actually fighting Larkan. I had no choice but to understand.
He is strong. Stronger than when I fought him in the past.
During the years I lost to him, he must have continued to train without slackening. For the simple and firm purpose of settling the score.
In contrast, I was abandoned by Eris and indulged in a lazy daily life without any motivation. Even though I'm starting to regain my senses recently, our gap is significant.
No, that's not it.
That's just an excuse. I'm trying to convince myself by using a convenient reason.
The problem lies in a more fundamental place.
When I close my eyes, I can see the hands of the dead trying to drag my lying body. Now that I've returned to battle, their presence has become familiar to me. I know that there is no real curse, I understand that myself.
It was just an illusion that I had created for myself.
But now, one of them has appeared right in front of me. My past has taken on a physical form and has resurfaced from the depths of hell.
Lisha being captured, Kanami being seriously injured, it's all because of me.
And what was I fighting for?
The question that I had been avoiding came to my mind.
In the previous battle, even though I didn't understand Eris's true intentions, I ended up losing everything and returning to Earth. I couldn't get along with my reunited family, but I consoled myself by thinking that if Asteris became peaceful, it would be enough.
In the end, it was because of me that the Second God-Demon War started. The days that should have been painful yet radiant have faded away.
Despite participating in the Second God-Demon War to save Lisha, my past has caused a crisis.
I'm like a jinx. Maybe it would be better for everyone around me if I just let myself fall into hell.
After all, that hesitation has dulled my sword and magic is activated by the stimulation of emotions. If there is doubt in those feelings, naturally the power weakens.
I tried to suppress the poison that was crawling in my heart with the thought of saving Lisha, but with such an imperfect technique, there was no way I could defeat Larkan.
"...Is something wrong?"
"Huh?"
Yunea suddenly spoke up.
She is still offering me a place to rest my head. Honestly, being offered a place to rest my head by a younger girl, except for Lisha, it's hard to describe the guilt I feel, so I tried to decline, but she made such a teary face that I couldn't refuse.
"You had a troubled look on your face, so if it's okay with me, please tell me. I may not be able to give you any advice, but sometimes just talking about it can make you feel better."
"I see. You're quite similar in that regard."
"Similar? To whom?"
"To someone I know, a little."
The face that came to mind was Lisha's. Pure and selfless. Completely different from a person like me, a pure white personality that grew up just like a baby. She will surely not hesitate to do anything. If she believes it is right, she will do her best for it.
That's why the "Sanctuary" she uses is stronger than anything else. Even my magic cannot destroy it.
"...I'm a little tired. I wonder if what I believed to be the right thing to do was actually not for anyone's sake."
Eris, Tsukiko, Glaive, Larkan, they appear and disappear one after another. The reality confronting me denies my justice.
Lisha must have known that I am a Hero.
If I can save her, will I still be able to be with Lisha as before? I didn't want to cloud those sincere eyes with awe and admiration. The weight of the Hero's past is too heavy to stand next to Lisha.
And when she leaves me, I will truly lose the reason to wield a sword.
Still, I should see what needs to be done, but my body won't move.
Yunea tilted her neck as if lost in thought.
"I may not understand all of those feelings, but I have felt a little bit of the same."
"You?"
"Yes."
Yunea nodded and began to talk about her own life. In the quiet night, only the voice of the girl echoed. She never knew her parents' faces and lived with her sister in the church. It was never rich, but it was fulfilling days.
The turning point for them came when Yunea's magic was discovered.
"It was too presumptuous to be a candidate for Saint-sama. If I become a spiritual woman, I won't be able to live with my sister anymore. I became a spiritual woman believing it was the right thing to do, but I don't know if that decision was right for my sister."
I see.
Yunea seemed to be the most important person in Irial's life. That's why Irial betrayed her seed, her favor, and her faith and sided with the demon.
It must have been an indescribable agony for her to be unable to see her sister anymore.
"But when my sister became a church knight and appeared before me, I realized."
"Realized?"
"Yes, I certainly don't know if my actions are right from the perspective of others. But my sister was there beyond my righteousness. That's why I realized. What's important is not whether it's right or wrong, but the heart that strives to be right."
"To strive to be right..."
I unintentionally repeated Yunea's words.
Have I been striving to be right?
"We are human beings. We may misunderstand each other or clash somewhere. But if we care for each other and continue on the path we believe is right, we will surely meet again somewhere."
I felt somewhat relieved by those words, which surprised even myself.
My life has been full of failures. Hardly anything has gone as planned.
But I never gave up.
I have agonized greatly, regretted my wrong choices countless times, and yet I must have chosen the path I believed in.
I must have strived to be right.
"So please rest assured. Yuusuke-sama's actions will surely be a salvation for someone, just as we were saved at that time."
"...I see, thank you."
I returned Yunea's sparkling eyes with a gaze and answered so.
——A heart that strives to be right.
So what is the right thing for me now?
I closed my eyes. There must be something I need to reconsider, think about, and find the answer somewhere.
"Are you going to sleep?"
"No, I have something I want to think about."
"I see, if I could be of any help, I would be happy too."
After that, Yunea also closed her mouth. She's a good girl, I can understand why Irial-san dotes on her.
When I tried to dive into the sea of contemplation again, Yunea's voice was heard once more.
No, was it really Yunea's voice? I couldn't be sure since my eyes were closed. There shouldn't be anyone else but her.
The voice was filled with such mystery.
"'Just one more thing, let me help you.'"
I reflexively tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't. I sink into the black darkness as if being pulled by those words. There is no way to resist the overwhelming waves of memories and thoughts that flow with tremendous force. Before I know it, everything is swallowed up by the vortex of information and disappears.
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Donate me
Support Me with USDC
(ERC20)
Support Me with XLM
(Stellar Lumens)