Volume 1 Chapter 92 La Mort (grim Reaper)
I──had been living with guilt following me all the time.
My father, Marx Girard, was neither a bad person nor a good person; to put it simply, he was an old-fashioned man.
He lived according to the teachings passed down from our ancestors about how the heir of the Duke Girard family should be.
Old nobles tend to be quite stubborn.
What matters is bloodline. It's about leaving a better bloodline and ensuring the family's survival.
This is for the ancestors of the Girard family, for myself, for the people of the land, and for the Bernard royal family to whom we pledge loyalty.
I believe that.
I don't think it's a bad thing, but──my twin brother Roxas and I, born into the Girard family, have always been compared because of it.
Which one of us will inherit the family? If we are to pass it on, it should be to the more capable one.
"Since you were born at the same time, it seems that one person's ability has been split into 2. How unfortunate."
My father often sighed and said this when I was young.
If only there was some kind of malice──some unavoidable malice in that, it might have been better.
Unfortunately, my father cared for both of us in his own way, and those words were just a statement of fact because he truly believed it.
My twin brother Roxas was weak and delicate, often hiding in my shadow.
Compared to Roxas, who struggled with everything, I could handle most things without much trouble, and I never felt that something was difficult or that I had to struggle.
When I excelled in studies or swordsmanship, Roxas would look at me with admiration, which made me even more eager to do well.
But by the time I realized it, I was seen as the talented one, and Roxas was considered the failure──he had been abandoned by father.
As for mother──I don't know much about hers. She is a quiet person. However, she clearly favored me and kept her distance from Roxas.
She seemed to rejoice as if it were her own when my father praised me. In the Girard family, my father's words were absolute, and my mother followed his lead.
When my father praised me, my mother praised me too, and when my father lost interest in Roxas, my mother followed suit. I wondered if that's how noble wives are.
According to the old servants who have been with the Girard family for a long time, my mother was the daughter of a Count family, which was considered slightly inferior for marrying into the Duke Girard family.
I thought that might be why my mother always lived looking for my father's approval. She wasn't a bad person. So ──I couldn't truly resent my mother for hurting Roxas.
Because of me, Roxas always felt lonely.
Since we were born as 2, the love and happiness that Roxas should have naturally received were all taken away by me.
If that were all, it might have been okay.
But even worse, we had special powers; I had the ability to rewind time, and Roxas had the ability to steal time from others.
Roxas, who withers flowers, kills insects, and takes lives, is seen as ominous. My mother and the servants have started to fear his when they see his face.
If I weren't here, Roxas would have been cherished as the only son of the Duke family.
If only I hadn't been born at the same time.
I want to be free.
This house is too cramped for me. I want to go somewhere far away, not here.
Somewhere I won't be tied down by anyone, where I won't bother anyone, a place where my existence won't cause anyone pain.
"Roxas, I want to be... a hero."
"Again with the fairy tale talk, brother. What do you mean by a hero?"
I liked moving my body and running around outside more than studying.
But since Roxas always stayed hidden in the house, breathing quietly so no one would find him, I tried to be with him as much as I could whenever I had the time.
Roxas is my other half.
If I weren't here, Roxas would be all alone in the Girard family, ignored by everyone.
But because I'm here, Roxas is in an unfortunate position, and it would be arrogant of me to pity his.
Still, it was a comfort that Roxas cared for me.
"A hero is someone who goes on adventures in the world. A great adventurer. They defeat evil beings like the wicked Demon King or bad dragons, save the princess, and become legends. That's what a hero is."
"... What is evil?"
"For the Kingdom of Bernard, evil is probably the red moon witch, Sylphina, who causes the Tears of the Rose and floods the land with monsters."
"A witch... a witch, huh?"
Roxas seemed to be studying in the library, but I found reading difficult books boring and often read children's fairy tales instead.
The books left by the ancestors of the Girard family were diverse, and my grandfather seemed to be quite a collector. He collected various types of books not just to read, but to enjoy their covers.
There are surprisingly many stories about heroes, and when I read theirs, I felt like I could enter a world I didn't know. It was the only time I could escape my guilt.
"Since you will inherit the Girard family, you can't become a hero."
"Well, that's true. But it's fun to think that maybe... I could become a hero."
"You're so talented, yet sometimes you say things like a little kid."
"I'm still a kid. Roxas, you're still a kid too, right?"
When I said that, in the library where it was just the two of us, Roxas, who was taking off the glasses our father told his to wear, sighed in exasperation, looking just like me.
I felt that Roxas was gradually trying to force himself to grow up.
Abandoned by our father and pushed away by our mother. Accepting everything and resigning himself.
That made me a little sad.
As I grew up, my feelings about wanting to go somewhere far away changed.
I started to think I wanted to disappear.
I hated living with a blank face, taking everything from Roxas.
I want to disappear. I shouldn't have been born.
──I want to die, I thought.
So, I felt lucky to have been infected by the White Moon disease.
If I could go to the White Moon, Roxas could inherit the Duke family.
My existence wouldn't be a burden to Roxas anymore.
I thought that would be fine.
But Roxas was working hard to heal my illness. While I said "thank you" to Roxas, I kept thinking about wanting to go to the White Moon as soon as possible, lying in bed.
Then, suddenly, the princess appeared. She seemed like a messenger from the goddess Alexandria, coming from the White Moon to me.
The princess's cooking healed me, and my body, which was on the verge of death, was able to regain its original health.
Once, I had given up on living.
My body was alive, but it was just my heart beating and breathing; my spirit felt like it was already dead.
If that's the case, then the second chance at life the princess gave me means I should live freely.
I can bother anyone I want.
I don't care if I'm laughed at or scorned.
I will live my life the way I want.
No matter what someone thinks of me, whether they hate me or like me, it doesn't matter to me.
As long as the princess is here and Roxas is here, that's enough for my world.
Still, I wonder ──what was that girl's voice in my head saying, "Come here"?
It felt more like a girl's voice than a woman's.
While I was sick, the buzzing of insects and that voice in my head were so loud that it was hard to think straight, but now it seems very strange.
What connection could there be between the illness and the girl's voice?
Was that voice really the goddess Alexandria inviting me to the White Moon?
It was a voice full of love and kindness. It made me want to surrender everything, but there was something a bit horrifying about it.
What exactly is the White Moon disease? It might not just be a simple illness.
I have a bad feeling.
It feels like something bad is happening in this country.
In my sickbed, I listened to stories about Roxas and the servants, and when I felt a bit better, I read history books that I hadn't been very interested in before.
So, my knowledge comes only from what I learned there, but maybe that's why I can't accept the strange things everyone seems to have accepted without question.
For example, the change in Your/His Highness Stefan, who used to be kind like a caring older brother.
Or the fact that a woman named Francois, who is close to His Highness, claims to be a saint.
And how Feldur, the Head Priest, accepts it all as if it's normal.
King Zeere has been sick for a long time. I wondered if he had the same illness as me, but it seems it's not the White Moon disease.
The kind His Highness has chosen Francois over Lydia and will soon be crowned king.
"...Anyway, I need to build up my strength."
I muttered while hanging from a branch in the Duke family's garden.
The hero must be strong. This country has many strong people.
When you think of strong, you probably first think of Lucian, known as the Grim Reaper of the Fallen Star, and Ciel, known as the Ethereal Demon King. I may have started late, but I need to become strong enough to stand alongside his as a hero.
A hero is someone who protects the princess. I will protect Lydia and the people of this country. A kind and strong champion of justice.
"Brother. You can't be dressed like that... You're still recovering, right?"
After finishing my pull-ups, I was hanging from a tree branch, doing sit-ups, when Roxas came out from the mansion.
"Like this?"
"Put on some clothes."
"No way. It's too hot."
Since I sweat a lot during training, I took off my upper clothing.
Roxas was holding a cup of tea. It must be sweet milk tea. I don't like sweet things, but Roxas has always loved theirs.
Since I fell ill, something seems to have changed in Roxas. He stopped putting milk and sugar in his tea and coffee, but it seems he's back to his old ways. That makes me a bit happy.
"What will you do if you get sick again? You just got better. Don't move around too much."
"I'm fine, thanks to the princess."
"I know that, but I still don't want you to push yourself."
"I just finished 500 pull-ups, and I can still move. After all, I'm going to be a hero. I want to get my stamina back quickly and build my strength."
"That may be true, but..."
"The reason I'm feeling so good is because of you and the princess, Roxas. So, this time, I'll help both of you. Just leave it to me."
I spun around and landed in front of Roxas.
I seem to be getting better at moving. Soon, I'll go out to the town.
I'll register at the Adventurer's Guild and take the first step on the path to becoming a hero.
It's going to be so much fun.
"By the way, Roxas, you like the princess, right?"
"Huh...? Uh, wow!"
Helping with love might be fun for me as a brother.
I like the princess, but I also like Roxas. If they can get along well, I'll be happy.
When I asked that, Roxas's teacup broke spectacularly.
"Roxas, you should stop getting flustered and letting your magic go wild just because I asked about your feelings."
I said while using time-reversal magic to fix the broken teacup.
Seeing Roxas flustered, saying, "It's your fault for asking strange things...!"with a bright red face was so funny that I laughed hard.
Ah, I can truly laugh from my heart.
I no longer want to die or disappear.
The guilt has vanished somewhere.
The flowers, trees, and sky all looked so fresh and bright in the world.
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