Volume 6 Chapter 42 At Times Like This, Fried Horse Mackerel
His eyes narrowed, and the long shadows of his eyelashes fell on his cheeks.
Like butter melting on bread, his warm red eyes seemed to sink into the setting sun outside the window.
The fingertips that had been touching my cheek traced my lips.
"I want you. I've thought that for a long time. I want to touch you. I want to make you mine."
"...Ah."
I understand. This person is not Sir Ciel.
But his voice, face, way of speaking, and gestures are all the same.
My heart trembles. My cheeks flush on their own.
Sir Ciel is a friend.
He likes me as a friend.
But when he looks at me so earnestly──.
"Ms. Lydia. Please stay by my side. I will protect you. ...I'm glad I could call you here. The people of the Kingdom will come to take you back, since you are a Saint. So, in the simplest way, I will destroy those who have belittled Gem's People."
"Destroy...?"
"Yes. If all humans are gone, we won't be looked down upon as monsters anymore. We won't have to live in hiding, and the children won't be turned into jewels for the rich and nobles."
"...That is──."
"Don't you think we don't need humans? Gem's People believed that if they were good and didn't hurt anyone, they would be saved someday. But that day will never come. If we don't have the power to fight, we will be exploited. We will be killed."
Calmly, Sir Ciel continues.
It's very frightening. I heard about Gem's People from Sir Stefan and Mr. Lucian.
From Rosamia and her mom too.
That's why I know Sir Ciel's story isn't a lie.
"Embracing children on nights when we don't know when an attack will come, telling them it's okay, and facing an unstable morning. Morning, noon, and night. Living while thinking that one day, we might be crushed alive."
"...I think that's terrible. I don't know what to do. ...But."
"Ms. Lydia. ...You're crying for us, aren't you? You're so kind and beautiful."
Sir Ciel wipes the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes with his finger.
Then, his lovely face comes closer.
He kisses the corner of my eye.
I feel the soft touch of his lips as I tightly close my eyes.
'I shouldn't have told you this. I'm sorry for making you cry, Ms. Lydia.'
Something that isn't Sir Ciel is mimicking him.
It might be taking away Sir Ciel's memories, what he was thinking──and putting it into words.
Until now, Sir Ciel has only shared a little bit of what he's been carrying with me.
I always end up crying.
Every time I cry, Sir Ciel smiles as if he's troubled and says, 'I'm the adult here,' and apologizes to me.
I think I felt frustrated every time I saw him like that.
It's okay to cry when you want to cry.
It's okay to be angry when you want to be angry. But Sir Ciel can't do that.
He endures, he holds back, he bears it.
His heart gets so tired that he stops feeling anything. He's always blaming himself.
He tries to do everything alone. He's always considerate of me, so I won't get hurt.
He's such a painfully kind person.
I──boldly said that I wanted to be friends.
"Ms. Lydia. Please give Gem's People the blessing of the Saint. Just like you protect people. Please bless Gem's People too. Will you love me?"
"...Sir Ciel is my friend."
"Just being friends isn't enough. I want you. All of you. ...I want to touch your lips."
It's the first time a man has whispered love to me.
It's not as happy as I thought it would be.
I thought my heart would race more, that the world would shine.
But this person isn't Sir Ciel.
Sir Ciel wouldn't say something like that.
Even if it means sacrificing himself, Sir Ciel tries to protect everyone.
He doesn't want to hurt anyone.
Using his power to protect is what Sir Ciel does.
He wouldn't say something like destroying people.
He accepted a lot of painful things, yet still tried to protect someone.
He took on the curse of death for the sake of the Saintwise people.
Even when he was on the brink of death, he acted like everything was fine so I wouldn't have to bear the heavy responsibility.
Sir Ciel said he wanted to check my power, but I've been worried that it might lead to hurting me.
He stayed by my side while I cooked to treat the White Moon disease.
He went with me to help Mr. Lucian and got genuinely angry at Mr. Wilshark for putting down the Kirschtein people.
Always──he tried to protect someone.
He tried to protect me.
If the real Sir Ciel is trapped behind the fake one, I'm sure he can be saved.
"...Sir Ciel, I, ...um, ...if it's Sir Ciel, that's fine..."
I replied hesitantly.
Maybe the real Sir Ciel is out there, but not in a moment like this, in a different situation.
Like when we're alone in a room, or walking by the beach, or on the night of a promised hot spring trip just the two of us...
If he said, "I want you" during those times, I might feel a flutter in my heart.
I'm a young woman after all.
I haven't been too interested in my own love life, but I do enjoy love stories.
So it's not like I have no admiration at all.
But no, it's wrong.
Sir Ciel is a fake, and we're alone in this somewhat scary room.
If the fake Sir Ciel is trying to deceive me, then I can deceive him too.
I'm a Saint who can cook, but I'm not as kind as a Saint. I can get angry, cry, and even say bad things.
So.
"...Ms. Lydia, I love you."
With a beautiful smile, Sir Ciel said as his eyes locked onto mine, our faces inches apart, and his lips drew near enough to feel each other's breath.
"...Here, it has to be fried horse mackerel!"
I had decided on fried horse mackerel from the start, so it was fried horse mackerel.
I grabbed Sir Ciel's face with both hands as he leaned in closer.
Suddenly, the fried horse mackerel appeared.
Like a cat with a fish in its mouth, it went into mine.
I pressed the fried horse mackerel, which I had in my mouth (it's okay, it's not that hot), towards Sir Ciel's mouth, which was wide open in surprise.
The fried horse mackerel was forcefully pushed into Sir Ciel's mouth as he tried to say something.
Sir Ciel once said that my strength would show even with just one bite.
If he could get one bite in──then I win.
Sir Ciel's fingers pulled the fried horse mackerel out of my mouth.
After swallowing one bite, he ate the rest of the fried horse mackerel with such graceful movements that it was hard to believe he was eating fried horse mackerel.
"...Ms. Lydia, thank you. Because of you, I was able to come back."
Saying that, Sir Ciel smiled and lightly pushed my body away as I tried to hug him, brushing me off.
"Sir Ciel...!"
Just like that, my body fell to the edge of the sofa, unable to move.
"I can't forgive myself. More than that──how you tried to taint Ms. Lydia. Get away from my body, Eirnelys."
Sir Ciel placed his hand on his chest.
"Blood Tear."
Then, he released a magical power that was a red color similar to fresh blood, like a slashing wind.
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